Wednesday, January 23, 2013

"I promise to honor and cherish you..."

The Support System.

My darling has been in the process of  being hired at a new job for a month in a half now. He has to hand out forms for people to fill out and give back, he need 40 of those and only has 10 back. He also has to study for an exam due at the end of this month. He also has to go to a class at least once this month!! So much to do to make a living.
 But I will support him. I handed out forms to some of my friends and family. And I'm sitting here in the living room at 11:20pm while he is in the bedroom studying for the exam. I could go to bed now, but he needs the light on and I guess I've been talking in my sleep the past few nights. So I'm here, not bothering him.
 I'm happy to have this chance to support him. Because I know he will return the same for me one day. And also that is what marriage is. Supporting each other no matter what it is. Whether it's emotional support after a tragic event, or physical support in helping with the kids, you have to support each other. With out the support of the other you both will fall. I need emotional support on a daily basis. Not sure why but I just need that kind of connection to get myself through the day and what ever comes my way. My darling husband needs physical support. Like leaving the room when he studies or helping him with a project. But it's hard for him to give me the emotional support I need and it's hard for me to NOT physically help him (I just jump in and say, "Here let me help/do that...") 
 So everyday we are learning how to help eachother the way we need help. He is trying hard to just be there emotionally for me, and I'm learning to back off. 
 I grew up in a home where we just jump in and help. Momma is in the kitchen and has all four burners going and something in the oven, we just start stirring. My darling hates it when I do that. If he is in the kitchen I cannot be in the kitchen unless he asks for help. So I'm learning to stay out of it unless he really needs help, or I see something burning...
 He grew up in a home much different than mine. His family didn't really help each other. They did it themselves. They never asked for help and didn't want to help. So he didn't really learn to be there for someone, and support them. My family, we always were there. We gave support. 
 So my darling doesn't really understand how to be there for someone emotionally. And that is a struggle for us. That is a huge cause for some of our fights. Instead of saying, "Hey yeah! Some day you WILL have that dream house and have a craft store with your mom..." He says something like, "You know that will cost alot and we still have my school debt..." Then he doesn't understand why I get so hurt after hearing that....
 We just need to learn. We need to learn that we are not home anymore with our families but with eachother. We are different. I am not his siblings nor is he mine. But we have to learn how to support the way a husband and wife should support one another.
 It's hard. It really is. We fight, sometimes it will last a few days. But in the end we know what works and what doesn't. :)

 So now I'm in the living room giving him space and he is ok with me spending the mornings and afternoons knitting and crocheting for my future shop.

Many Warm Thoughts and Happy Blessings,


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