Thursday, December 31, 2015

Happy New Years Eve!

 Again, It's been a while.
I've been, as usual, busy. I got a new job at Cupcake shop. GiGi's Cupcakes. You know you've heard of it, .
I quit Olive Garden. Too much stress for no pay. Now I'm working up to 8 hours at GiGi's. Up at 4-5am, home by 12-1ish pm.
 It's got me busy. But I'm learning to manage my time there and at home.
I'm starting to do some meal plans for the weeks/month to help with shopping and eating better for the new year. Josh and I have made a deal to start eating better and work out.
 I'm excited to see what this new year has to bring. I've been doing ok so far. Making enough money to pay bills and still have some money left over to either put towards the next month (which is what I usually do) or spend (which is what I want to do).
 Well that's about it for now.

Meal Plan

Tuesday, September 08, 2015

From the Bottom of My Heart

Being self conscious problem... Only. Wanting to work out and get fit and feel good, worried someone will  see me. Wanting to lay out and bask in the sun, worried someone will see me. Wanting to wear the crop top I bought two summers ago, never wear it cause someone is sure to see me.
 This is a real problem with me and it's hindering. I can't even go work out with just Josh cause I don't want to be seen. I'm not strong. So I feel stupid when I try to work out at a gym cause I have everything on a low setting. I want to run but I guess the way I run is funny looking cause people stare. I don't want to be stared at. I just want... to be free of my own mind sometimes. To just shut the little voice off (the one that always says... they see you. You look funny to them. Just go home) I want to be free of this but I can't. It's all me. Yes it's me being embarrassed. No it's not a body issue. It's all mental to me. My thoughts keep me from doing things I want to do. I can't even go places alone cause I'm afraid of... people I guess. Seeing me alone. Judging me alone. Yes listening to music helps. Blocks out the world around me but it doesn't stop what's going on inside my head. So please don't go on about, you're beautiful. Love your body. Don't worry.
 It's not a self image problem.
It's a fear of new things and looking like a damn fool. thing.
 Yes I'm pretty. I get that. Yes I'm skinny. But that's not my problem. :( its so hard to communicate what it is exactly. It's just me I guess. Being hard on myself.

Art By. ME.

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Were To Begin?!

Why Hello there.
How are you?
 I have so much to tell you and I'm just not sure where to begin.

Well how about here...

September of 2014, my parents got divorced. I wont say why because that's not my story to tell. But it was still hard on my sisters and me. Thanksgiving and Christmas were the hardest ever, and even harder for me because my own husband wasn't there to support me or help me cope. He told me it was none of our business, what was going on in my families lives and we should just ignore them. Ummm, I'm thinking, No. They are my family and I'm going to go home for the holidays and help them through this.
 Well, New Years rolled along and nothing got better between me and Chris. We argued all the time, and if we were not arguing we were not talking at all. Just passing ships in the night and it was around February that I decided that we were no longer married to each other. Not for the right reasons anyways. We fought some more so we just got divorced ourselves because I couldn't take the fighting anymore. Ever sense our wedding day we had fights. I was over it.
 Looking back as I sat in the court room listing to the Judge drone on, I figured that ever sense August of 2014 we have not really been 'with' each other. Just together. And sense that time we fought nonstop.
 So, I am no longer married as of April 30, 2015. But I was not a part of my husbands life sense August 2014.
 It didn't take me long to get over the shock of him getting the papers and making me sign my name. I just went to work, talked to friends, and went about life.
 So it didn't surprise me at all when I caught the attention of a young man who, now has helped me out of a bad situation and got me back on my feet with a smile on my face and love in my heart.
 Yes we are dating now. I know it may seem soon, but if it wasn't for this guy, I would be stuck in a predicament that was not ideal or even legal. (had to get roommates after Chris moved out and turned out they were druggies and I couldn't live with that)
 My life has been up and down sense 2014, but I can say now that I am happy as a clam and just so joyful that Josh has come into my life.

He is kind of my good luck charm. He encouraged to apply for a job at Olive Garden and that day I got an interview and was hired on the spot. He is helping me with my finances and even helped me pay my rent last month. I owe him alot.
 Please, Do not judge me for moving on so quickly after my divorce. Hear me out, My Marriage was not ideal. He did not love me for who I was. I quickly saw that after saying I DO. I should have said no. We moved to Missouri, I made new friends, he didn't. He was always home jealous and pouty if I went out and had fun. He chose to stay in. It wasn't my place to make him do anything. But if he did go out with me he never had anything nice to say to my friends, or even to me.
 I did get tattoos, I've been talking about getting one for years, and I finally got one. He hated it and even me for getting it. I know we were married, but it's my body. It's nothing bad... here see for yourself,

The Dream Catcher,
 Is on my Right Shoulder Blade.
My family is part Cherokee Indian, I'm very much in-tune with my Native American Side and also... my sisters and I all have dreams. Mom too. Like we dream something and then in real life something very similar happens. It's hard to explain, but, yea. So the Dream Catcher. My grandpa Tony used to take us girls to Pow-Wows alot when we were little. So in a way this tattoo is for him and the family I long to see again one day.

 The Anti-Possession Charm.
Is on my front Left Hip.
 Ok, so this one. Yes it look satanic. But it's really not. When I was a little girl and dad worked third shift, he would wake up from his midday sleep to come watch Goosebumps with me on tv. It was a daily thing for us. After that we always watched scary movies together on the weekends. Then Supernatural came on tv and that was our thing. Every Thursday night at Eight p.m. we would pop popcorn and sit in the dark living room and watch our scary show. This Charm is from Supernatural and dad plans on getting a matching one. It's a daddy daughter tattoo. and I love it.

 The Mermaid Scales.
Are on my upper outside right thigh.
 My name, Arielle, people often call me Ariel, Josh and all his friends call me Mermaid. I was the little mermaid for years for halloween. I will be one this year. This has been a nick name for me for many years, why not embrace it. I plan on adding more scales as soon as I save up enough money. :)

 Now, not so bad. Chris thought other wise. Oh well. Our fights... were not so good at times. Lots of yelling, shouting, screaming, crying, door slamming, it wasn't pretty. He raised a hand to me once, I dared him. Then one night he shoved me and I was done. No more. I will not go into that world. A world where there are no more words just bruises and tears. I was done. We looked for help, found none. Prayed, lead us here.

 Now, I'm done explaining myself to you. If you wish to judge me, then remember, Only God Can. The way I see it, We were heading to a very bad place in our marriage and I got out before it got worse. I do not wish for book sized comments on how we could have worked it out, gone to a church, gotten help. We tried. Nothing worked. Even doing an evening devotional would stir up a fight. We were not a good match. So, don't judge me for being afraid of being beaten and hurt. I chose my battles well. And ended a bad thing before any children were brought into it.
 Oh, I do wish I had a child though. I long for a baby of my own. But all in due time I guess.

I'm on an adventure now. Going to start traveling. Going new places. Meeting new people. My life is starting over and I couldn't be happier.

Mom and I are so much stronger now on our own. I miss seeing her every weekend, I miss her when I stay at the house when I visit, but, we are so much better now. So happy.

                                          FIND THAT WHICH MAKES YOU HAPPY!!

Well I don't quite know where to go from here.

I have a cat!! His name is Gigabit.

He's bigger now, about 4 lbs. 4 1/2 months old. But he is my baby. I love him so much.

Well, I guess that's all for now. I'm off to make dinner.

 Many Blessings to You my Dear Devoted Reader.


Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Girl Under Construction

 So much has happened in the past year,

 I'm putting myself under construction. As well as the Blog.

 Not sure where to begin, but I'll have this blog up and running again soon.

 I'm sorry for being away for so long and keeping you my dear readers out of the loop.

 As for Caitydid Creations.... I'll start that back up again soon as well.

 Check back in to see new pictures along the side bar, and for posts about what has happened in my life sense last may.

 Warning... some of it is pretty deep, and we may cry together.


  Some Prayer is greatly needed right now. I've been a bit lost and feeling kind of... broken. So maybe just a prayer for courage, and peace,

 Good news though,

 I get to move into my new apartment this Thursday, and I can't tell you how Happy and Excited I am about that. (story to come as to why it's MY apartment and why I'm so happy about it)

 Like I said, it's been one Hell of year and past 5 months. I'll be back to tell you all about it soon.

 Much Love and Many Blessings to you My Dearest Readers.