Monday, February 15, 2016


When I was little, I never thought much of the ocean.
It was big, dark, wet, scary, filled with strange creatures. The things my nightmares were made of. I am afraid of water, well, water I cannot see in. Dark, cold water. If I can't see the bottom, I wont go in.
 Well, when I went to California back in 2012, I was excited to see someplace new. Though we didn't do much other than sleep, eat and lay on the beach, it was still an adventure for me. But the ocean... Oh That Ocean.
 I couldn't see the end of it, and it was so dark, I was frightened, yet, mesmerized. Here I was, Just a dot, seeing for the first time how big this world was. I was awestruck. I teared up, I looked to the heavens and said, this is bigger than how much you love me?! This, as far as the East is from the West? From one horizon to the other. I was just, awestruck.
 After we returned back to our daily lives, I was hooked. I always thought of the ocean, of the waves. The sound of the water rushing over the shore, the gulls crying in the air. The warmth of the sun reflecting off the white sand. Children giggling in the foam and seaweed. I longed to go back.
 It wouldn't be until 3 years later that I would go back. Not to the same beach or part of the ocean. But back to a beach and see the ocean from a different point of view.
 In May 2015, I went to Florida with my dad, little sister and her best friend. We went to swim with the manatees in Crystal River, then made our way from north to south then back up, all along the coast. The waters in Florida were clear, and a beautiful teal color that I cannot unsee. The sand was softer, The sun was warmer. My heart was better. This was a vacation I needed after my divorce. I was so unsettled, and my soul was restless. That was when I found out for the first time what Wanderlust felt like.
 I was being drawn to go somewhere I have never been, nor ever thought of going. To be someplace new, meet new people, to just be new again. And I am better for it.

Never in a million years would I have ever thought I would put on a wet suit, go out on a boat at 6 o'clock in the morning, plunge into a cold fresh water river, and put my face under water and come face to face with the most adorable creature I've yet to meet, and touch it and almost ride on it as it swam underneath me and rose to the surface. I was terrified. My heart rate went sky high, my breathing was irregular, and I had the biggest smile on my face when my sister pulled my hand over to squishy, hairy boulder just inches in front of her. I reached for Lydias hand and did the same, when we all looked up at eachother, I couldn't tell if it was just water, or tears of joy, but the smiles we shared, and I was so thankful for my daddy. He paid for all of this, drove all night, woke us up, and was just as happy as we were. Just remembering all of this has me worked up.
 And I'm Longing To Go Back.

Growing up, I always thought I was named after The Little Mermaid. We looked alike. Skinny, long red hair, could sing pretty well. But I couldn't swim to save my life. But I do like some water. Pools, baths, hottubs, streams. If I could see and touch the bottom, I was fine. The sound of running water soothes me. Feeling it wash over my skin, like it's washing all the bad in the world away is the best feeling in the world to me. But the Ocean. Those waves, will kill me. I got washed away in a wave in California. Was rolled and flipped, I didn't know which way was up or down. I panicked. I cried, I prayed. I even sent an I Love You to my family in my mind, thinking I wasn't going to make it back to the beach. But luckily, I floated, and made my way back. That was the first and last time I ever went into the water.

 But, In Florida. Allison and I went out so far, the people on the beach looked like dots. We didn't realize this. We just kept walking and talking and watching our feet and looking for seastars and fish.
 When we looked up, the water was up to our chins and only one thought came to mind for me, SHARKS! Time to go back, and quickly, I said to her and we swam, and laughed, and rode waves like we were mermaids. Smiles on our faces. Lydia thought we were crazy and dad did his, I should be upset with you but I just can't be cause look how happy you are, laugh. And we all sat together and watched the sunset over the water.

This winter I have wanderlust so bad, I can't sit still. I keep looking at all my pictures of my adventures from summer, and I am just beside myself I didn't do more. I didn't travel further. That I am living in an apartment instead of a pull around camper and seeing the world.
 I do like my apartment and warm soft bed. I love being with Josh, and my job. But OH THE WANDERLUST!!

The Warm Sun...

 The Colors...

I have made a promise to myself, that this summer, I would go somewhere new.
 A Dessert, A Snow Capped Mountain, A Muggy Rainforest.
As long as it was new, I was going to go.
 But for now, I have the memories, and those will do.

Many Warm Blessings To You.

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