It Has Begun!!!!

 Good Saturday Morning To You!

 Well, It's started. I ordered a GED practice book a few days ago and I am now on the path to finally getting my GED and possibly taking the ACT and starting some Online Classes.
 I'm so nervous about this. I was never very good at taking tests, or sitting down for lessons. Hopefully Josh will be patient with me as I go through this small struggle of anxiety, self doubt, and worrisome sleep. But I know it's for the best and that no matter the outcome of all of this, I will have tried my best and it is going toward something I've been wanting to do for a very long time.
 I am so grateful for Josh when I made the decision, He supported my ideas and dreams, and has offered to help me in any way. I also have some amazing friends who are saying that they are so proud of me and believe in me.
 I'm wanting all of this time and effort to go towards getting a degree in Early Childhood Education. I've always wanted to work with children, from day one to pre-k. I'm enjoying my job very much and seeing and hearing this kids learn new words and skills, it just melts my heart.
 I'm almost 27 years old. It's time I do something for myself and my future along the lines of education.

So...

 Be ready for some posts where I may say things like, I Can't Do This! I'm So Stressed and Confused.

But also be ready for some posts where I might say, I DID IT!! THIS IS HAPPENING!!

I'm scared, nervous, excited, happy and ready for this to begin.


 Many Blessings.
~*Arielle*Caitlynn*~

    

Dreams do Come True!!

 Well, it's finally happening. I may get to be a daycare/preschool teacher!!!
I'm so very excited. I can't wait to start this new chapter in my career life. I'll be working 4, 10 hour days, from 6 am to about 6 pm. The position that is open that I could possibly fill is working with the 1 year olds. I honestly couldn't describe how happy and excited I am for this opportunity. I'm just so happy. I also may be teaching a new friend how to crochet a blanket for her fiance, and we went to go get some yarn and a crochet hook for her today.
 I never knew what was to come of my life when I decided to stay in Arkansas. I just figured I would continue to waitress and work at the bakery until I got married again and had kids. But now.... My Dream Of Becoming A Teacher Is Coming True!!! I am just so, so, so happy. Wish me luck on my working interview on Monday and keep me in your prayers.
 ~Blessings~
*Arielle*Cailtynn*

Wanderlust

When I was little, I never thought much of the ocean.
It was big, dark, wet, scary, filled with strange creatures. The things my nightmares were made of. I am afraid of water, well, water I cannot see in. Dark, cold water. If I can't see the bottom, I wont go in.
 Well, when I went to California back in 2012, I was excited to see someplace new. Though we didn't do much other than sleep, eat and lay on the beach, it was still an adventure for me. But the ocean... Oh That Ocean.
 I couldn't see the end of it, and it was so dark, I was frightened, yet, mesmerized. Here I was, Just a dot, seeing for the first time how big this world was. I was awestruck. I teared up, I looked to the heavens and said, this is bigger than how much you love me?! This, as far as the East is from the West? From one horizon to the other. I was just, awestruck.
 After we returned back to our daily lives, I was hooked. I always thought of the ocean, of the waves. The sound of the water rushing over the shore, the gulls crying in the air. The warmth of the sun reflecting off the white sand. Children giggling in the foam and seaweed. I longed to go back.
 It wouldn't be until 3 years later that I would go back. Not to the same beach or part of the ocean. But back to a beach and see the ocean from a different point of view.
 In May 2015, I went to Florida with my dad, little sister and her best friend. We went to swim with the manatees in Crystal River, then made our way from north to south then back up, all along the coast. The waters in Florida were clear, and a beautiful teal color that I cannot unsee. The sand was softer, The sun was warmer. My heart was better. This was a vacation I needed after my divorce. I was so unsettled, and my soul was restless. That was when I found out for the first time what Wanderlust felt like.
 I was being drawn to go somewhere I have never been, nor ever thought of going. To be someplace new, meet new people, to just be new again. And I am better for it.

Never in a million years would I have ever thought I would put on a wet suit, go out on a boat at 6 o'clock in the morning, plunge into a cold fresh water river, and put my face under water and come face to face with the most adorable creature I've yet to meet, and touch it and almost ride on it as it swam underneath me and rose to the surface. I was terrified. My heart rate went sky high, my breathing was irregular, and I had the biggest smile on my face when my sister pulled my hand over to squishy, hairy boulder just inches in front of her. I reached for Lydias hand and did the same, when we all looked up at eachother, I couldn't tell if it was just water, or tears of joy, but the smiles we shared, and I was so thankful for my daddy. He paid for all of this, drove all night, woke us up, and was just as happy as we were. Just remembering all of this has me worked up.
 And I'm Longing To Go Back.

Growing up, I always thought I was named after The Little Mermaid. We looked alike. Skinny, long red hair, could sing pretty well. But I couldn't swim to save my life. But I do like some water. Pools, baths, hottubs, streams. If I could see and touch the bottom, I was fine. The sound of running water soothes me. Feeling it wash over my skin, like it's washing all the bad in the world away is the best feeling in the world to me. But the Ocean. Those waves, will kill me. I got washed away in a wave in California. Was rolled and flipped, I didn't know which way was up or down. I panicked. I cried, I prayed. I even sent an I Love You to my family in my mind, thinking I wasn't going to make it back to the beach. But luckily, I floated, and made my way back. That was the first and last time I ever went into the water.

 But, In Florida. Allison and I went out so far, the people on the beach looked like dots. We didn't realize this. We just kept walking and talking and watching our feet and looking for seastars and fish.
 When we looked up, the water was up to our chins and only one thought came to mind for me, SHARKS! Time to go back, and quickly, I said to her and we swam, and laughed, and rode waves like we were mermaids. Smiles on our faces. Lydia thought we were crazy and dad did his, I should be upset with you but I just can't be cause look how happy you are, laugh. And we all sat together and watched the sunset over the water.

This winter I have wanderlust so bad, I can't sit still. I keep looking at all my pictures of my adventures from summer, and I am just beside myself I didn't do more. I didn't travel further. That I am living in an apartment instead of a pull around camper and seeing the world.
 I do like my apartment and warm soft bed. I love being with Josh, and my job. But OH THE WANDERLUST!!

The Warm Sun...

 The Colors...

I have made a promise to myself, that this summer, I would go somewhere new.
 A Dessert, A Snow Capped Mountain, A Muggy Rainforest.
              ANYWHERE!
As long as it was new, I was going to go.
 But for now, I have the memories, and those will do.

 
Many Warm Blessings To You.
 ~*Arielle*Caitlynn*~

Feeling... Not Good Enough.

Ever have those days where you just don't feel like you're good enough?
I have. A lot. Pretty much every day of my life.
Yeah, I can cook, yes I can take care of a small child or a 600 pound horse. But, I didn't learn that in a class room.
I was pulled from the public school system before I started fourth grade. My mom and I fought tooth and nail over school work. Both of us in tears by the end of the day and not one step closer to me knowing how to simplify fractions.
Instead we went to the unschool approach. Not a bad choice, but maybe not the best in the long run. I barely made it through high school with all my sanity and some basic form of knowledge. But I wasn't ready for college. I never took the GED or SAT or ACT. I always looked at colleges, almost had myself enrolled once, I was going to surprise everyone, then, I just didn't. I didn't feel smart enough.
"maybe I just like the IDEA of college."
Well I do. But what the heck would I do? As I'm sure you can tell by reading this, my grammer, spelling, and pretty much English skills are lacking. I can't do quick math in my head with out having a panic attack. And science.... Let's just say, No.
So what is there? Art, you need to take art history. Ok, oh and calculus, bio chemistry, know how to take apart a small twin engine plane, and Latin.
How about, Early Childhood Education! You need to be certified in C.P.R., know how to fly a jet, solve Einstein's Theory of Relativity, and how to deal with parents who don't know a darn thing about being a parent but somehow are so much better than any one else when it comes to kids.
So, I'm just not cut out for this.
I don't want to work in a corporate office, or be a medical surgeon.
I just want, to feel like, I'm enough.
I'm not into politics much. I don't even know where to begin to understand the presidential election. I'm not too big on talking religion with someone who is so closed minded that I just get pissed and want to cram the bible in their ear and hope the message sticks.
I know nothing about technology. So don't even try.
I see this video of this little three year old who memorized the periodic table of elements and here I am, struggling to fill out my resume to find a second job.
I'm just not good enough.
Anything I can do, won't pay my bills.
I've tried to start my own business. But while I'm waithing for that to take off, I have to work three jobs to pay rent.
All I've ever wanted to do with my life, was have a small homestead. Just an acre or two. Just big enough for a garden, some small farm animals, and my children. And be a good mother.
But, here I am. 25 divorced, and having to barrow money from my boyfriend to pay my rent and other bills.
Yeah, maybe I should have gone home after my divorce, lived with my dad and sister. But, I had to prove to myself I could do this on my own. And just when I thought I was making it, was coming out on top, BAM!, life just sucker punched me so hard, then took all my lunch money.
Story of my life right there.
I couldn't even celebrate my birthday with out worrying how I was going to pay the bills.
As always, it's winter, and I've got the blues.
The subject of me maybe going to school came up at my birthday dinner and it's been weighing on me ever sense.
I just honestly don't know what to do. Maybe go get my gen-eds out of the way, but then what? There are job opportunities after that. I've seen all my friends go to college and not get a job in the degree they have. My Ex for one example. It only took him three years to get degree in business, then one year to get a master's in business management. But, he is no where near where he wants to be. He found himself stuck, and just decided oh well.
I don't want to end up like that. If I go to college and graduate, I want to be able to transition into a job that I studied for. I would hate to be the alternative and have wasted all that time and money to just be stuck.
But, I guess these are just reasons. Me trying to talk myself out of the idea. Or so I've been told.
I'm smart. Just not college smart. So far I've been ok with that, but it seems more and more you have to have a college degree to even make friends.
I just don't know what to do or where to start.
I do need help and guidance. But I also feel pushed and forced into this.
I'm just not feeling good enough.

Girl Under Construction

 So much has happened in the past year,

 I'm putting myself under construction. As well as the Blog.

 Not sure where to begin, but I'll have this blog up and running again soon.

 I'm sorry for being away for so long and keeping you my dear readers out of the loop.

 As for Caitydid Creations.... I'll start that back up again soon as well.

 Check back in to see new pictures along the side bar, and for posts about what has happened in my life sense last may.

 Warning... some of it is pretty deep, and we may cry together.

 Also,

  Some Prayer is greatly needed right now. I've been a bit lost and feeling kind of... broken. So maybe just a prayer for courage, and peace,

 Good news though,

 I get to move into my new apartment this Thursday, and I can't tell you how Happy and Excited I am about that. (story to come as to why it's MY apartment and why I'm so happy about it)

 Like I said, it's been one Hell of year and past 5 months. I'll be back to tell you all about it soon.

 Much Love and Many Blessings to you My Dearest Readers.

Here Comes The Sun...

 ...And I Say, It's All Right... (The Beatles, Here Comes the Sun)

I am so longing for sunshine and warm weather.

 I am longing for long walks in the evenings, and finding new places to sit and think.

I am longing for playtimes in the park.

I am longing for a cool breeze coming through my open windows that smell of fresh flowers, warm earth, and on coming rain.

I am longing to get my hands in the dirt and plant. Getting my food fresh from the garden and having a wonderful dinner with loved ones all around.

I am longing for.........

I am longing for evenings listening to the crickets, the rain fall, thunder rolling in the distance, seeing laundry hanging on the line, hearing chickens cluck, goats "maaaaaaaaaaa" at each other, But Most Of All,
 I am longing for Spring!

"Where You Go, I Go..."

  We make our own plans, but the Lord determines our path. Proverbs 16:9 (NLT)

My darling has been working very hard at his job as a manager in training, and because of that he has finished with his training and is now ready to take on a new task. He has applied within the store family to see where his next job will take him.
 As he applied he saw that he would have to apply out of town, and out of state. We prayed that his job would keep us in Ohio, and close to our family. But our paths are not ours to pave ourselves. And God has laid ours out ahead of us.
 His job called a few days before my twenty-third birthday to tell us that he was accepted to join the team and store family down in Southern Missouri. I was happy that we finally got the call and no longer had to wait, but was also very upset that it would be taking me eight in a half hours away from my family and friends. I asked if we could say no and wait for an Ohio job, but, if we were to do that, my darling would be put back on to part time work and would not make enough to pay the bills. Even if I got a second job to work after working eight hours a day, we could not make ends meet. So we prayed. And we now know that this is where God needs us to go. I don't know what for, but that is where we must go. I don't want to, but when I married my darling husband, I promised to follow him where ever goes, and he promised me the same. We also promised to Trust God and to follow the path He lays out for us. We made the promise to each other to trust each other. So, we shall.
 We have until a few days before his first day of work, March Thirty-first, to find a new apartment and get moved in. We have been looking online mostly. Calling real estate, and land lords, trying to find a decent place in a good neighborhood and with a decent price per month. It's hard. We have been praying, but it's still hard. I'm trusting that God leads us to a good place to live where we can find a new church and make new friends.
 This is such a hard spot in my life. Having to pack up my life, move to a new state and town, leave my family and friends behind, make new friends, and find a new job, all within a few weeks!! No wonder I can't sleep!!

 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will worry about its self. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Mathew 6:34

 I saw on pinterest one day as I was passing time, a picture. It was a pretty picture with lots of colors and patterns. And on this picture were nine words that stuck themselves to my brain.

 Worrying is like Praying for Something you Don't Want.

 That is very true. I'm trying to not worry about this move too much. I mean it's only human to worry a little bit. But I shall try to not worry too much.

 Prayer is much needed in this time of or lives. Prayer for a new apartment, new job (for me) safe travels, and protection, and prayer for this new chapter in our lives.
 Thank you so much.

Many Blessings to you,
 ~*Arielle*Caitlynn*~

Being who I am.

 I'm not a math person, I'm not a science person, I'm not a history person, I'm not a chemistry, I'm not all that book smart, but you know what?! I can read, I can write, I can add, subtract, multiply and divide. I know enough science to get me by, as well as history. Chemistry, well I know not to mix bleach with anything, and I know how to make a small "boom". I am who I am. I am life smart. I cook, sew, knit, crochet, paint, sketch, keep house, work my butt off, I know how to care for Kids and animals. I pray, I love, I care, I get mad, But I'm an all around nice, happy person. I'm sorry, I didn't go to college. I was never good at paying attention. But who says you need a college degree to raise a family, homeschool, and be a wife and mother.

My little sister and Niece.

 I've been married for a little over a year now, and so far it's been good. Fights like always, but the next day we are going out to eat and laughing. We are moving! Down the street from where we are now, there is a 2 bedroom apartment for rent. It's only $25/mth more, and we can get a pet deposit! Not that we have a pet now, but it's nice to know we can get one. The place is about the same as my Darlings last apartment he lived in before we got married. Actually, it looks just like it only in the first set of units. It's two bedroom, with a nice big living room, a bigger kitchen, but no counter space, so I am going to get a small shelf for putting pots, pans and food on, and a bakers cart for my coffee corner. There is also a small patio. And the best part, I can plant a garden! I'm already thinking, getting some BIG pots, and making a box or two and planting some turnips, green beans, some pretty flowers and other late season plants. Oh and Pumpkins! 

I wasn't happy about moving at first. I like the place we are in now. Ac, Free water and gas for cooking and heat. Our neighbors are so quite, and it has become my home. Go figure as soon as I get settled and start calling this place my home, we pack up and leave. Oh well. I guess this will be good for us. My Darling will have an office space, so I can go from living room, to bed room with out disturbing him on the phone anymore. Our guests will have some more privacy when they stay the night. And I can have my garden and my darling can BBQ! No more mountain climbing to get the groceries up stairs, and no more 6am big rig trucks blazing through town under our living room windows with the engine brake on. Not sure how the neighbors are yet. I don't do well with neighbors that stay up til 5am yelling and screaming, or playing video games too loud, or music, or vacuuming. My upstairs neighbors did that. All of that. Every night. I went insane. But thank goodness this is a one level apartment unit. 
 In this new apartment, I can be who I really am with my garden. I can get dirty, and be happy about it. I can start a compost again, and not feel like crying everytime I have to throw away peelings or coffee grounds. They can go straight to my garden. Oh happy day!

The past month, pretty much, I have been home with my family helping to get the place ready for my Grandma and uncle to come visit. It was great. I worked in the garden, worked and played with the animals, got to spend time with my family like we used to. It was so nice. I miss working in a garden everyday with my momma, or going out to eat for lunch with my sister. Staying up and watching movies with my daddy. 
 Momma and I had a deal. And it still stands. When I come up to visit, I make dinner. And I'm ok with that. I made dinner every night. And it was never a repeat. Everyone sat down at the table to eat. No tv or radio. Just us. I loved that. I want family meals every night with my future family. No tv, no radio, unless it's classical or even big band music. Just the family, mommy, daddy, kids. Friends are invited, family too. A nice big almost 3-4 course meal. With Veggies, and meat and bread, and a salad. Always a salad. I want my family to know what a good dinner is. I don't want anyone to go to bed hungry, ever. Also, no soda. At dinner, it will be water, juice (apple, grape or orange, no koolaid.) milk or iced tea. No soda after lunch. Only on special occasions like BBQs or holidays. We will talk about our days. No cursing, or griping or complaining. Just talking. How was your day? "Good, had a run in with a coworker but noting too bad. How was yours?" "Fine, worked in the garden, went shopping, today the kids and I learned about the civil war!" Stuff like that. Think 1950's movies where the dad comes home the the table is set and everyone looks like a magazine cover. Only, the kids will probably have paint in their hair, their feel will be dirty from playing out side and the class room/living room will be filled with crafts and projects. But their hands and faces will be washed. I will have messy hair, tired eyes, and running eyeliner. But My Darling will still think I'm beautiful. (He has said so. ^_^) 
 Then after dinner, we will go out side for some play time, then take care of animals, then we will watch a movie, read the kids a story, bed time, then sleep. 
 Yes, I have had plenty of time to think about this. And I know, not everything will be the way I have imagined it. But it will come close.

Well, the time has come for the local college to start up again, so that means work. I have been hired FULL TIME! I will be working full time and will get a raise in my pay. With my darling, working weekends as a bartender and also full time in the kitchen, and me working full time and selling my creations at The Little Red Hen Gift Shop, we will be making so much more money, that we can save up for future baby and other things. I'm not too happy about full time work because I love my time off, but I'll take it so I wont have to work when I have kids.

So to end this long post, I want to just say,

 That Life isn't about Waiting for the Storm to Pass, it's about Going out and Dancing in the Rain.

In life you will go through so many storms, so many bad spots, and you may think life sucks and wont get better. But let me tell you. You will make it through. I have been through so much in just the past 91/2 years, and there is more crap to come, but I made it through and I know I can keep going. As long as I keep praying and have my amazing friends and family to go to, I can make it to the end of times. I know you can too. I pray that God gives you peace, and strength. Love and joy, but also tears. And that when you come out of the storm, that God gives you the knowledge and mindfulness of just how great life is. You really never know how great life is until you come out of a bad spot. Then you can look life in the eyes and stick out your tongue and say, "I made it, and I'm happy I did. You didn't beat me this time and you never will. Thank You GOD!" 

 So, be who you are but always strive to be your best. If you are a bad mood or are feeling low, smile and say something nice to a stranger, and see their smile, in that smile you will see that their day is worse than yours and you just made it better. Always remember, someone out there has got it so much worse than you, so treat others with care. Be Kind. 

 With so much Love, 
Arielle Caitlynn.

A Little Bit of Sun, and Hope

 I remember planting bulbs with my momma one year. I remember her telling me that even when there is snow on the ground these flowers will bloom and grow and give us hope for spring.
 This is the flower I look forward to seeing Every Spring. The bulbs are so close to the surface, that as soon as the Sun gets the least bit warmer, and like clock work it's mid March every year!, They pop their little heads out of the snow, giving us hope for a Beautiful Spring! ~ The Crocus 


Many Blessings,
 Arielle Caitlynn

"I promise to honor and cherish you..."

The Support System.

My darling has been in the process of  being hired at a new job for a month in a half now. He has to hand out forms for people to fill out and give back, he need 40 of those and only has 10 back. He also has to study for an exam due at the end of this month. He also has to go to a class at least once this month!! So much to do to make a living.

 But I will support him. I handed out forms to some of my friends and family. And I'm sitting here in the living room at 11:20pm while he is in the bedroom studying for the exam. I could go to bed now, but he needs the light on and I guess I've been talking in my sleep the past few nights. So I'm here, not bothering him.

 I'm happy to have this chance to support him. Because I know he will return the same for me one day. And also that is what marriage is. Supporting each other no matter what it is. Whether it's emotional support after a tragic event, or physical support in helping with the kids, you have to support each other. With out the support of the other you both will fall. I need emotional support on a daily basis. Not sure why but I just need that kind of connection to get myself through the day and what ever comes my way. My darling husband needs physical support. Like leaving the room when he studies or helping him with a project. But it's hard for him to give me the emotional support I need and it's hard for me to NOT physically help him (I just jump in and say, "Here let me help/do that...") 

 So everyday we are learning how to help eachother the way we need help. He is trying hard to just be there emotionally for me, and I'm learning to back off. 

 I grew up in a home where we just jump in and help. Momma is in the kitchen and has all four burners going and something in the oven, we just start stirring. My darling hates it when I do that. If he is in the kitchen I cannot be in the kitchen unless he asks for help. So I'm learning to stay out of it unless he really needs help, or I see something burning...

 He grew up in a home much different than mine. His family didn't really help each other. They did it themselves. They never asked for help and didn't want to help. So he didn't really learn to be there for someone, and support them. My family, we always were there. We gave support. 

 So my darling doesn't really understand how to be there for someone emotionally. And that is a struggle for us. That is a huge cause for some of our fights. Instead of saying, "Hey yeah! Some day you WILL have that dream house and have a craft store with your mom..." He says something like, "You know that will cost alot and we still have my school debt..." Then he doesn't understand why I get so hurt after hearing that....

 We just need to learn. We need to learn that we are not home anymore with our families but with eachother. We are different. I am not his siblings nor is he mine. But we have to learn how to support the way a husband and wife should support one another.

 It's hard. It really is. We fight, sometimes it will last a few days. But in the end we know what works and what doesn't. :)

 So now I'm in the living room giving him space and he is ok with me spending the mornings and afternoons knitting and crocheting for my future shop.

 

Many Warm Thoughts and Happy Blessings,

 ~*Caitlynn*~

I promise!!

 I promise that I will blog about the wedding as soon as we get our pictures. I've been waiting very patently for them. I have only seen the pictures of us girls getting ready that my dear friend and wonderful Brides Maid Gabrielle W. took ( along with her sister Samantha), but I'm soooooo excited to see the final product. I don't want to spoil anything, or give away the end of this chapter of our love story but I will say this.... Nothing Went to Plan, I didn't stress about anything, But NOTHING went to plan.... and we got wet... ;)

My Wedding Ideas!!

 So I have so many Pictures from Google and the like, I thought I might share some with you.

Seating

My Lilac Bouquet.

My Veil 

My Hair

Where we will say "I Do"

Our "First Kiss" at Sunset.

Leading the way to the Reception 

The Moon Lit, Out Door Reception 

Our Cake

Loves True Kiss Cake topper (idea)

Loves Embrace Willow Tree Cake Topper (another idea) 

The Next cake toppers are some Fun Ideas we have been thinking over. :) Enjoy and don't feel bad if you giggle at them. I do.

I love the Top One. My sister says that it even looks like My Darling and Me! <3's

I love looking up wedding ideas. It makes me feel so happy and excited. I can't wait. But then I wont want it to end. Sigh........ Only 272 Days. (or 9 months) wow...........

 many Prayers and Blessings.

~*Caitlynn